Here's Your Merry Christmas!

Nalthien · Fri Dec 24, 2004 8:19 am

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the guild
Everyone was rejoicing around the dragon we'd killed
The dragon's head hung by the chimney with care,
Watching over the house with its icy-cold glare;
The guildmates were gathered at the pub drinking brew,
Visions of guinness and strippers were all that they knew.
Lodi with his Zima and I with my ale,
Tried to climb up the stairs, but to no avail.
We fell onto the lawn and caused such a clatter,
Our drunk mates stumbled out to see what was the matter.
Out the small doorway they tripped onto the grass,
To see their fat leader, flat on his ass.
The moon on the breasts of our hot sister babes,
Truwind had to remind the boys to behave.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a delivery truck, stocked full of more beer.
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment, it must be a trick.
More rapid than eagles this truck it did come,
And our bards banged out rhythms on their big drums.
We whistled and shouted and called out the foul beast;
It seems Balor had come to ruin our feast!
Now Ellen, now boady! Now Duprems, Now Killy,
Tried to slay the beast, but they were drunk silly.
From the top of the porch to the top of the wall,
The guildmates all started to stumble and fall.
As dry leaves, they fell from as high as the roof,
Hitting the ground with a resounding "oof!"
Most of the guild was too wasted to care,
That Balor, Foul King of the Formor', was already there.
And then I heard casting from high up above,
Seems Varadin thought Balor needed some love.
As he through out his hand, I could hear the sweet sound,
Of Fireballs erupting and slamming into the ground.
The flames covered balor from his head to his foot,
But he smiled with glee, cast a spell of his own, and Var was kaput.
"Big surprise!" we all said as we rose from our backs,
"Gotta bail out Var," said we, grabbing our swords from the stack.
The Foul beast's eyes started to twinkle, his face became flushed,
For now the whole guild stood weapons in hand, preparing to rush.
As the druids stood back, the tanks we did charge
And crashed into the beast with the force of a great barge.
Blood stained blades clashed with razor sharp teeth,
The smoke from spells encircled his head like a wreath.
His broad face stood off with Lodi's great belly,
Balor looked down, his blood looked like jelly.
His body was broken, blood soaked were his rags,
So we laughed hard at him, and called him a fag.
A wink of an eye and a twist of my head,
Let the other mates know the wicked beast was dead.
With many curse words, we rushed to the truck,
To find it still stocked full of brew, oh what heavenly luck!
Wrapping our hands around the cases we sought,
"Let's have a drink out here," some of us thought!
We cheered at the sight, what a wonderful thing,
"Though the creature had come, the beer he did bring!"
Lodi spoke atop the cache, what a gloroius sight,
"Happy Guinness to all, and to all a good night!"

Here's Your Merry Christmas!

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